Today, I had my cell group meeting. Sad to say, it has been such a long time since my last meeting that I forgot when is the last meeting, and its content as well. Been wanting to quit cell, but my kinder side of me don't allow me to do so, causing the evil side of me to curse and swear. Irvin, being a smart guy, have sense and might have guess that he is losing me. I hate to say that but despite his sharing, I still feel like quitting cell. I guess that it is inevitable. Talking about goal, God is not included in my goals. What is God to me, it is like a relative, which this is what I told Irvin too. I guess the word 'Relative' is the best word to define where he is in my heart. My relatives are nearly all oversea, even if I meet some of them on the street, I might not even recognise them. I have to tell Irvin sooner or later, as I have just said, it is inevitable.

Talking about goals, I have plenty when I am young. Unfortunately, I grow up and choose to believe and rely on the 'Not So Kind' side of reality. I start to don't believe in dreams and goals, despite hearing successful stories. Is that called growing up? Learn to be merciless and selfish? Taking example of the game I am playing just now, SRO, which I am doing trade with CY and HY. Everything started on the second trip, when CY cropped up with some matters, and I wanted to wait for him. Even though I never really wait, but what I see is HY's dot is moving non-stop towards town, somehow I feel disappointed. When my horse died just outside the town, and yes it is definitely depressing, only CY offered to help me, HY just trying to rush CY to do quest. I wondered, why does HY be so selfish? However, after having think that, I recalled I being selfish too. I started to ponder is this what society teaches these days? Perhaps, I will become part of the evil side of society, trying to climb over the heads of the kinder side, and try to have my way with them to get myself benefits?

Anyway, today is raining so heavily that it makes me feel restless to go out. Perhaps I go out for a walk tommorrow.