Yesterday, I had man-to-man talk at McDonalds with CY and JH. However, it seems that I am more focused on the card game, and my poor memory makes me forget most of the content, but I know enjoy it.

Seems that CY is craving for a relationship, which stirred my heart too. Makes me remember how daring I am to try to woot JR, but I have to count myself lucky that I never succeed. However, I lose the courage to confess, not because the girl that I like might not be the girl I always imagine, but I start to fear rejection. Make matter worse, my low self-esteem makes my life to be like a clean record.

It set me thinking, because of failure, I start to avoid doing stuffs, such as confession and organising. It seems that failure to do well in them has make me start to hate doing it. I know I am childish and not behaving like a young adult, since I know avoiding is not the solution, but the mental block has not been removed.

Organising event need lot of coordination and thinking, which I know I did not fufill either of the requirements, that explains why SGB Distribution and Primers BBQ is a failure, and why the chalet I planned is not enjoyable too. Confession takes courage, which I seems to have lose the element.

Maybe like what Adam Khoo said, self-esteem is like the chips used in casino, when you lose your chips, you should try to get back the original amount of chips or even more. The current situation is that my chips is running low and I need a feeling to strike a Jackpot so that I can get more chips.

Better keep all these thoughts in my head so I can remind myself to hit a Jackpot. Well, meeting Jac and guys for East Coast Park outing, better get prepared.