Lonely, but not Alone
I feel lonely, but I am not alone.
I just find it hard to connect to people, most of the time. However, as I know myself better, I come to realize that I actually don't mind.
It's either in my nature, or I am used to it.
But I know I am not alone.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Lost in the sea.
Almost got into collision X 2
Cramps on both quadriceps X 3
Close to cramping when crossing finishing line.
Cramp again after finishing line.
Sunday, October 03, 2010
For friends who know about my recent situation, I accepted a job offered by NtXXXXtXr, and starts my first day of 3 months of probation.
And my day ended up getting my contract terminated, not because of my work attitude or my inadequate skill sets. It's because of my colour deficiency.
All I blamed is myself for not asking the doctor to slow down on the Ishihara Test during pre-employment check-up. I skipped 2 numbers when I can actually "see" them. The outcome is that my colour vision deems me unfit for the job. How cool is that?
Now that I am back in unemployment sector, I starts sending out resumes, ringing job agents to assist me in my job hunt, and somehow I got this feeling that my colour deficiency is obstructing me.
Of course I am choosy on my part, rejecting jobs that are too far or too "lowly-paid". I start to ponder what I really wants? Is it the money, or the job experiences that I can proudly put in my resume in the future. Am I going to work temporary or work full-time while pursuing ACCA part-time.
I looked at my fellow peers who are studying now, in local universities, private instuitions, or overseas colleges. They are whining on how difficult the assignments and exams were. Little they know there's people like me who would like to be in their shoes.
I looked at the remaining of my peers who are not studying. They found a job and is having a stable income, having buying power that I am currently lack of and I would need it desperately soon. This shaken me badly, and I lost focus on whether I want to work for money or for ideal.
This feeling sucks!
Friday, October 01, 2010
Journey of the 5 Headdresses
Pulled out the previous 2 blog posts regarding my NSF experiences. I find that it's not necessary.
What matters are what I have gone through, and what I have learnt from it. Meanwhile, I will try not to be ashamed of it.
Who get the chance to wear 5 different headdresses during his NSF days, and get a chance to experience different vocations, in different perspectives, picking up different skill sets, and get to know people from all walks of life?
I guess enough is enough. I shall put a stop to this and embrace what is ahead.
Training to last, not to be last.
Slowly, but surely.
Tuesday, September 07, 2010
Where Do I Belong?
Feeling emotional after looking at Terry's Certificate of Service, though it's not the first time I feel this way. It's a similar feeling when I met the 91st recently and they were talking about their CoS and their potential NS PTI issues. I felt so lost. Now I am looking at Maju's PTIs' happy faces, I can feel my green horns growing out. Being able to work with comrades sharing similar background, and to joke and laugh over even the smallest issue it might be. I really envy my fellow course-mates.
I have never expect my NS route to be like a roller-coaster ride, or expect myself to OOC, twice. At every phrases of my NS life when I had adjusted myself, and beginning to "enjoy" and build bonds with people around me, I am forced to change my environment. It's hard to start afresh, when I am not very sociable by nature.
"Eh David, you have finally settled down," was what ZH said to me when I saw him coincidentally during Dental FFI.
That short comment, had made an impact within me.
Have I really settled down? Is CP MC where I "belong"? Or CP MC is simply an interchange, since I have to board the other train into the Civilian soon, very very soon.
I am afraid. I am scared that my CoS is either too empty, or too long. Empty because I have been floating around, or too long because of the detailed descriptions of where I have been to. Either way, I am ashamed of the route I have taken.
This roller-coaster ride has also made my ORD seems unreal. Fellow Medic course-mates are posted into individual units only recently and to ORD one year later, yet I am in the process of doing the out-processing. I really wonder if my NSF liability has come to an end.
I am tired. I have been thinking too much. I am making myself confused.
Though the (potential) answer is obvious, but "theory" is different from "practical".
Home, is where your heart is. Period.
Friday, September 03, 2010
Sunday, August 22, 2010
It has been weeks since I last wrote a post.
I thought it's a good sign, since most of the time this space here is filled with my frustration and vengeance.
Life goes on as usual. Nothing can stop the world from spinning, Nobody can resist the flow of Time.
Meet up with Jac & LN, Ong and ZJ at Pitstop. It seems like yesterday to me since I last meet all of them, which is actually last year on LN 21st. Time flies indeed.
Ong and ZJ had ORD-ed for a few months already. Ong is going back to school, while ZJ started his degree programme in SIM RMIT and is now on assignment break.
Seeing them reminds me that I am going to be jobless in weeks to come. +1 on my worries.
It's a nice catch-up session, and it's supposed to be my virgin kite-flying experience but I postponed it because of the supposed bad weather, which never happened.
Met with Edmund and Kendrick for dinner. Edmund looked fairer and the recent lack of exercise seems to have put a little toll on his weight. Kendrick looks the same as I last saw him on his birthday party.
And I want to thank Edmund, Kendrick, Nicholas, Keith and Bennett for the gift. I was surprised when Kendrick took out the package and put it in front of me. Not used to celebrating birthday after all.
Another nice catch-up session with them, though "It" is still bothering me to some extent, but the smile on their face, the laughter that we shared, my mood has lighten and I haven't felt more cheerful since a long time.
Meeting two groups of close friends in a day, I would say it's tiring. Pretty rush here and there, but I am glad I met them today. It's frightening to remember collectively together the last time we gathered together.
Really enjoyed the moments of bonding and sharing. For people like me, who connect slowly, and disconnect at lightning speed, I am really relieved that my friends haven't forget about me.
The older we get, the lesser time we can spare for ourselves?
Got to attend more gatherings and organise more outings!
Friends, better turn up for gatherings, especially those organised by me!
Sunday, August 15, 2010
DFB TRACK TOP
PREDATOR STYLE UCL WOVEN JACKET
RESPONSE "DREI STREIFEN" WIND JACKET
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Drop in Intelligence?
Friday, July 23, 2010