Somehow, feel restless today. Been slacking once again and I finally wait until 6pm, when I will meet CY for basketball.

However, my mood goes diving and I felt that the situation is so wrong. I tried to start a conversation in English, just a few sentence and I am disgusted by CY. "Eh, don't switch to Channel 5." I am sort of stunned. I explained myself, not the real reason, but should be reasonable enough, which is to prepare for my CSB test. However, CY is not satisfied and wants me to speak in Mandarin.

Here I am, finally enlighten, yet being thrown a cold blanket. Is it that what I have done is wrong? The world is using English to speak, China changed the world and create a trend to speak Mandarin. But, English is still the common language. What's more, the degree I aims to pursue need a strong command in English. I thought it is a good time to start brushing up my English.

From another point of view, perhaps I have done wrong. My gang is "Channel 8", and Mandarin is the world. Let's take it that my gang is the world, I have failed to change it, and I will have to change myself.

These thoughts are fighting against each other, and I am confused, lost in my own thoughts. My urge to change myself have grown, I know I have to do something. But I am losing the strength to move on. It can't be the fact that I stick to the wrong gang, they evolved from just being my friends, to buddies for life.

All I wanted is to change myself, I never imagine it can be so hard. Finally inspired by living example, which is Ong and Jac too. But now, I am stuck, teared apart by my thoughts.

If you can't change the world, change yourself.