I feel lonely, but I am not alone.

I just find it hard to connect to people, most of the time. However, as I know myself better, I come to realize that I actually don't mind.

It's either in my nature, or I am used to it.

But I know I am not alone.



Strong currents.

Lost in the sea.

Almost got into collision X 2

Cramps on both quadriceps X 3

Close to cramping when crossing finishing line.

Cramp again after finishing line.

Tri-ed.


For friends who know about my recent situation, I accepted a job offered by NtXXXXtXr, and starts my first day of 3 months of probation.

And my day ended up getting my contract terminated, not because of my work attitude or my inadequate skill sets. It's because of my colour deficiency.

All I blamed is myself for not asking the doctor to slow down on the Ishihara Test during pre-employment check-up. I skipped 2 numbers when I can actually "see" them. The outcome is that my colour vision deems me unfit for the job. How cool is that?

Now that I am back in unemployment sector, I starts sending out resumes, ringing job agents to assist me in my job hunt, and somehow I got this feeling that my colour deficiency is obstructing me.

Of course I am choosy on my part, rejecting jobs that are too far or too "lowly-paid". I start to ponder what I really wants? Is it the money, or the job experiences that I can proudly put in my resume in the future. Am I going to work temporary or work full-time while pursuing ACCA part-time.

I looked at my fellow peers who are studying now, in local universities, private instuitions, or overseas colleges. They are whining on how difficult the assignments and exams were. Little they know there's people like me who would like to be in their shoes.

I looked at the remaining of my peers who are not studying. They found a job and is having a stable income, having buying power that I am currently lack of and I would need it desperately soon. This shaken me badly, and I lost focus on whether I want to work for money or for ideal.

This feeling sucks!


Pulled out the previous 2 blog posts regarding my NSF experiences. I find that it's not necessary.

What matters are what I have gone through, and what I have learnt from it. Meanwhile, I will try not to be ashamed of it.

Who get the chance to wear 5 different headdresses during his NSF days, and get a chance to experience different vocations, in different perspectives, picking up different skill sets, and get to know people from all walks of life?

I guess enough is enough. I shall put a stop to this and embrace what is ahead.


Training to last, not to be last.


Feeling emotional after looking at Terry's Certificate of Service, though it's not the first time I feel this way. It's a similar feeling when I met the 91st recently and they were talking about their CoS and their potential NS PTI issues. I felt so lost. Now I am looking at Maju's PTIs' happy faces, I can feel my green horns growing out. Being able to work with comrades sharing similar background, and to joke and laugh over even the smallest issue it might be. I really envy my fellow course-mates.

I have never expect my NS route to be like a roller-coaster ride, or expect myself to OOC, twice. At every phrases of my NS life when I had adjusted myself, and beginning to "enjoy" and build bonds with people around me, I am forced to change my environment. It's hard to start afresh, when I am not very sociable by nature.

"Eh David, you have finally settled down," was what ZH said to me when I saw him coincidentally during Dental FFI.

That short comment, had made an impact within me.

Have I really settled down? Is CP MC where I "belong"? Or CP MC is simply an interchange, since I have to board the other train into the Civilian soon, very very soon.

I am afraid. I am scared that my CoS is either too empty, or too long. Empty because I have been floating around, or too long because of the detailed descriptions of where I have been to. Either way, I am ashamed of the route I have taken.

This roller-coaster ride has also made my ORD seems unreal. Fellow Medic course-mates are posted into individual units only recently and to ORD one year later, yet I am in the process of doing the out-processing. I really wonder if my NSF liability has come to an end.

I am tired. I have been thinking too much. I am making myself confused.

Though the (potential) answer is obvious, but "theory" is different from "practical".

Home, is where your heart is. Period.







It has been weeks since I last wrote a post.