I finally realised that the year is coming to an end with Christmas just round the corner. Time really flies, too fast for me to catch up.

What have I been doing for the past 12 months? It's not too hard for me to recall since I blogged regularly weekly.

But, I did nothing constructive, nothing meaningful, but to keep lingering with past events and regret my choices. I did not become closer to my folks, and I has disappoint my Mum. I did not make effort to mend the strained relationship with my Bro. I made new friends, weakly bonded, and neglected old pals.

I remembered I had plans, the actual Ops Order and contingency plan(s). But are they useful? Did the plan(s) went well? Did I review what went wrong, how did that happen, who am I answerable to, what can I do to savage the situation(s)? Haven't I learnt that in practice, nothing goes according to the plan. Better drill that in.

Till now, I have to admit that I am still lost, not knowing what to do. I have limited chips on hand, and I am not using it wisely. What is stopping me? Do I have a dream? Or I am always living in fantasy?

Life has been pushing me around, setting walls to block me, to stop me. So far the walls are managable, less one or two, but it's going to be harder. I need to become stronger, I need to become smarter. I need plans, which I had some in my head, but will it work out well, do I have the discipline? What do I need to do?

"Keen ambition, banishes pleasure, from youth onwards, and reigns alone" - Vauvenargues

It's time for me to choose.

And I have decided to wake up.