My usual alarm tone was replaced by a loud unpleasant noise. Great! It’s my Mum’s generous volume of methane gas released near my face. I whispered a short thanks to the upper Almighty that I don’t have to use “right on my face” to describe the loud wind.

Anyway I did a quick wash-up and slack on the couch for a while before I go for work. Remembering that I forgot to check the letterbox yesterday, I went to check if there’s any mail. I regretted opening up the letterbox because a catchy logo caught my eyes the moment I grabbed the whole stack of mails. It’s from NUS, definitely the rejection letter.

After dumping those useless leaflets, I found another rejection letter, it's from NTU. Misfortune comes in twins. Even though there are 10 lengthy lines of words in each letter, there’s only one message that they are trying to bring up, the fact that I am rejected.

I don’t feel depressed since I see this coming. I don’t even feel the pinch about the $20 wasted, or rather “donation” to the universities. Perhaps I am being a bit too calm. Whatever it might be, I found some humor in the letters.

In each letter, it is mentioned that they have reviewed my application thoroughly and had considered my application to the fullest extent before arriving at this difficult decision. I am thinking, how difficult can it be?

Firstly, use the received "donations", which is disguised as application fee, to pay their employee(s) any potential OT since inputing the whole chunk of data need manpower. I assume that they are using software similar to Microsoft Excel. A simple filter would clear all the Singaporean from the list and display the names of all foreign applicants or foreign students. Just interview them all, leniently, and pass as many as you can.

After interviewing, filter the remaining applicants, or rather local students, so that those who meet the minimum requirement stay on the list. Then, sort them according to the academic performance and interview them. Pass them such that 70% of the remaining placement goes to JC students and remaining goes to Polytechnic graduates.

Tada! The cohort will be well allocated. Twink the figures to make it more balanced and publish it to the public. For those who are rejected, like myself, just type a letter to say how bad and how sad you are feeling. Lastly, click and drag in a prepared signature. Woot! Another bunch of fools are punked!

From then on, it is where the fun all begins and leave it to the management to decide on how to milk the successful applicants dry.

The above is just a joke or rather my own imagination. However, it will become the reality if I am the management. After all, school is just another form of business.

Milk them dry! I like.